Kill Everybody

It’s a song by Skrillex, you know.

Kill Everybody is a new feature I will be creating in which I highlight the top 10 trends that are bothering me. These trends may be ongoing (Uggs) or new (Yolo.) So let’s begin the rants, shall we?

1. Uggs (or Ughs.) Many people say that Uggs are warm and they believe that this is a good justification for wearing them on a regular basis.  Nice try. Guess what else makes me feel warm? Texas. You don’t see me going there voluntarily, now do you? Stop wearing them. There isn’t much point to putting brown stuffed animals on your feet and then calling them shoes. I understand if you’re wearing them at home if you’re sick or tired; making yourself look crappier really helps bad situations, I totally get it. But if you’re out in public? Is this necessary?

2. One Direction: First of all, with the name, I feel like Nancy Reagan is lecturing me on drugs with her new 2012-oriented program. Second of all, “What Makes you Beautiful” disgusts me. As many have pointed out, the only thing that matters about women is their appearance; why not feed the sexist fire with this wonderful ballad?

3. The 2012 presidential election: I thought I saw enough stupid white people on reality television, but American politics proved me wrong, once again.

4. Yolo–Do we really need an acronym for something I say every time I eat too much, which is everyday? I find it a little superfluous; people have been drinking, eating good food, and having sex with the wrong people for years and now we come up with this and say we’re innovative? I don’t think so.

5. “Forever Alone”–okay I get it. You’re lonely. Would having a boyfriend or girlfriend solve your problems? Probably not. “Forever Alone” bothers the crap out of me because not only do people underestimate themselves by using it but they also underestimate others. Think of all the teenagers you know. Then think of how desperate they are to be in relationships. Exactly. It’s not like people are all that hard to get with; if a relationship if what you’re looking for, go out and forge one under your low self esteem and deluded view of the world and call me later; I’d sure as hell love to hear how it works out.

6. Gluten free for people who aren’t allergic to gluten. I can’t even start on this because there is actually nowhere to begin; it literally makes no sense. Other than it’s “trendy” not to eat gluten–and that just makes me say “what the actual fuck?” And when something makes me say “what the actual fuck?” it’s usually time to stop thinking about it before things get carried away.

7. Tom’s shoes. Like Ughs, they’re ugly and people have this strange idea that they go with everything; unlike Ughs, they donate money to charity. While it’s for a good cause, why can’t you just donate money? Why do you have to be broke AND wear ugly clothes?

8. Daylight Savings–I’d move to Arizona sometimes JUST to not have to deal with it, which is pretty radical, because as we all know, Arizona is Arizona.

9. Dip dyed hair–It’s like you’re a hipster and you’re so cool, but you’re not courageous enough to dye your whole head pink, which is a shame. It’s like the wimpy version of cool; it’s the cool that’s safe because everyone thinks it’s cool and nobody judges you for it, which is pointless, because being cool means you don’t give a shit and by dip dying your hair, you’re saying you do.

10. 3-D everything: I don’t know if this is part of America’s deep hole of recession and political bullshit, but 3-D sucks. The glasses suck, the weird visuals suck, the whole thing is pointless and if a movie can’t be i regular 2D then it probably just isn’t a good film. Plus, extra money. I am not going to pay extra money to wear funny glasses on my head in the dark for 2 hours; don’t people do that at raves for free anyway?


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